If you knew your play partner was not monogamous, and sexually exclusive with you, and later after you had played for a while found out she has four to five sexual partners on an average month and that they aren't necessarily the same ones from month to month what would your reaction be?
Should the number as well as the fact that is not monogamous be disclosed up front?
Is it my fault for not asking for a number, and if so, how much do I ask? Names, dates, sexual positions?
Would it matter if they were male or female for safety's sake? If she said she gets tested regularly, and that she uses condoms with them, but because of her past history with you you didn't have to use them with her (since you are already fluid bonded), how safe would you feel or not feel to continue having unprotected sex with her? How safe would you feel having protected sex with her?
If she says she doesn't have a primary partner, and is thus not poly and doesn't need to negotiate compromises (calls it "dating" instead), how would that strike you?
Should the number as well as the fact that is not monogamous be disclosed up front?
Is it my fault for not asking for a number, and if so, how much do I ask? Names, dates, sexual positions?
Would it matter if they were male or female for safety's sake? If she said she gets tested regularly, and that she uses condoms with them, but because of her past history with you you didn't have to use them with her (since you are already fluid bonded), how safe would you feel or not feel to continue having unprotected sex with her? How safe would you feel having protected sex with her?
If she says she doesn't have a primary partner, and is thus not poly and doesn't need to negotiate compromises (calls it "dating" instead), how would that strike you?
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SF Bay Area
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Re: How many is too many?
Thu, April 17, 2008 - 5:48 AMI'm a big fan of full disclosure, including the number of partners, their identities, dates or intended dates, and the level of contact they've had with the other person (the explicit discussion of sexual positions could be saved for foreplay, depending on what gets you going.) I think that the more you know, the less likelihood there is in finding out something that will compromise the relationship later on.
I think emotionally it might matter if they were male or female, but as far as protection goes I would not consider sharing partners with either gender without using protection, even if we were fluid bonded initially. Bareback is delicious, but even protection slips sometimes, and it's better to be safe than sorry. If you're in a poly relationship, there are always compromises to be made, and accepting that protection is not 100% safe is one of those compromises. Then again, there are so many diseases out there (not just STDs) that you can't protect yourself from everything without sacrificing enjoyment of life. The key is really to discover what you're comfortable with, and where your hard limits are in regards to a partner's activities.
If, on the other hand, she's only dating and doesn't consider it poly, then I'd consider it dating. I'd use full protection, and wouldn't consider her to be my primary either (even if I wasn't sleeping with anyone else) until she was willing to take that step.
